Before you write
What you do not have to tell me
Most people expect to start with the worst thing. You don't have to. Here is what I won't ask of you.
This isn't a trick to get you talking later. The work is slower and steadier when you choose what to say, and when. I'll never push for a detail to see what happens.
You can say as little as you want
You can change your mind mid-sentence
You can stop and we'll talk about something else
The longer list
Things you never owe me
The story
How it started, how long it went on, how bad it got. I will not ask for a timeline, and I won't think less of you for a gap in one.
The details
You can name what happened in a sentence, or not at all. EMDR in particular doesn't depend on speaking the memory aloud.
The names
Who was there, who did it, who knew. Say them if it helps; leave them out if it doesn't.
Why it counts
You don't have to prove it was serious, or compare it with someone else's. If it's still with you, that's enough.
Why you waited
Years can go by before someone says any of it. Waiting isn't a failure, and I don't need an explanation for it.
What you remember
Memory after trauma can be patchy, or too sharp. You don't have to fill the gaps or be sure of your account.
A diagnosis or a label
Some people want a word for it, others find it heavy. I'll explain what a diagnosis code on a receipt means, and the choice is yours.
Where your family stands now
You can still love, avoid or see them. Whatever you do about them is for you to decide, not for me to push.
Fit
Who Cairn is for, and who it isn't
Better to know at the start, so you don't spend time or money on the wrong help.
Other help
Who comes
Children and teens: I can suggest colleagues who see them.
What we do
Medication, a court report or a custody evaluation: not something I do.
When
A crisis right now: call or text 988, or call 911.
Where
Video from another state: I can only see you while you're in Montana.
Cairn
Who comes
Adults, 18 and older, who grew up with abuse, neglect or fear at home.
What we do
Talk therapy, EMDR and body-aware work, at your pace.
When
A set time each week, Monday to Friday morning.
Where
My Bozeman office, or video if you are in Montana.
When you're ready, write to me
A name and a way to reach you is enough. Everything else can wait for the first session.